My first daughter is nearing her first birthday and I have to say I’ve had quite a year; looking back on everything, I can’t believe time has passed so fast. Coming up on her first birthday makes me reminisce a lot about the very beginning when I first realized I was pregnant, so I thought maybe I could share my experiences with other first time moms or seasoned mamas and see the similarities and differences.
When I was growing up, I always imagined what it would be like to be pregnant, knowing there was a little human being inside you. I imagined I would have a sense that something was different before I even had confirmation that I was pregnant, so I was surprised that when I was staring at the positive pregnancy test all by myself, in my bathroom that, besides shock, I felt pretty much the exact same as I had an hour before. I don’t know exactly what I was expecting, but I really thought I’d feel something different and I honestly didn’t. When my husband came home and I shared the news he immediately took me in his arms and stated how happy he was and I still didn’t feel much. So, a couple of weeks later we went to the doctor and had our first ultrasound to confirm the pregnancy; of course this early on you don’t hear a heartbeat you just see it beating on a screen as they’re probing you uncomfortably. So, once again I expected to feel something different and I really felt nothing–it was so awful, I have to admit. My husband saw the heartbeat and started crying and so did the nurse and I’m sitting here trying to fake an emotional reaction, but it just still didn’t feel real to me. I only felt like a bad mom for not having some sort of reaction.